It's a great feeling when, after a long time trudging your way through a storm of shit and hard times and darkness and confusion, you can sense the fog finally lifting, the clouds parting, and a light begin to shine on the path of opportunity as it stretches out before you. Everyone goes through times when nothing makes sense---times of doubt, times when they wonder what in the hell they've done to piss off the universe to the point where it's spitting in their face and laughing---but sometimes, if you're lucky and positive and keep your head high and fight through it and alert enough to realize it when it presents itself, you catch a break and things start to change.
I rejoice when I hear of someone catching a break, especially when it's someone who has been going through tough times and is hard-working and good-natured and kind-hearted, and ultimately deserving of some grace and good luck; tonight, I rejoice.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
The soundtrack of my life
Today, while walking to class, I was overwhelmed with the feeling that there was a soundtrack playing behind me. It was Sam Roberts' "Detroit '67." This, paired with the amazing fall weather here in East Tennessee, put me in an incredibly great mood.
Earlier today, I locked myself out of my apartment while helping my neighbor reset her circuit breaker. I had to sit on my porch for two-and-a-half hours waiting for my landlord to come and let me in. I kept thinking how lucky I was to have a front porch to sit on, to have a beautiful day to be locked outside in, and nice neighbors to let me use a phone to call my landlord. Everything is great right now. I'm gaining a real sense of community here with the people that share my building/house. It's amazing, and unlike anything I've encountered before. It's different than a roommate relationship, or even a dorm-cohabitant relationship. It's unique and special and I really like it. We watch out for each other.
I'm also gaining that sense of community and belonging with the people in my department at school. We're getting to know each other and starting to have more fun and getting more comfortable with everything. It's quite an experience, and at this point, I can't think of anything in the world that I would trade it for.
Tomorrow, I'm going to Knoxville to see Third Eye Blind. I'm very excited. Also, I think I got a job for the weekends so I'll be finding myself with a little extra cash. Everything's coming together. Life is beautiful.
And in the moments when it's not, listen to Neil Young and "don't let it bring you down."
Fuckin' a right.
Earlier today, I locked myself out of my apartment while helping my neighbor reset her circuit breaker. I had to sit on my porch for two-and-a-half hours waiting for my landlord to come and let me in. I kept thinking how lucky I was to have a front porch to sit on, to have a beautiful day to be locked outside in, and nice neighbors to let me use a phone to call my landlord. Everything is great right now. I'm gaining a real sense of community here with the people that share my building/house. It's amazing, and unlike anything I've encountered before. It's different than a roommate relationship, or even a dorm-cohabitant relationship. It's unique and special and I really like it. We watch out for each other.
I'm also gaining that sense of community and belonging with the people in my department at school. We're getting to know each other and starting to have more fun and getting more comfortable with everything. It's quite an experience, and at this point, I can't think of anything in the world that I would trade it for.
Tomorrow, I'm going to Knoxville to see Third Eye Blind. I'm very excited. Also, I think I got a job for the weekends so I'll be finding myself with a little extra cash. Everything's coming together. Life is beautiful.
And in the moments when it's not, listen to Neil Young and "don't let it bring you down."
Fuckin' a right.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
The language of my unconscious
I feel as though I'm coming into my own. I'm very happy with things right now, despite the fact that, as always, I've got some worries. Those worries are right now of little importance, as the moment is beckoning. The moment is beautiful and wonderful and, dammit, it's now.
My little apartment, with the grungy old furniture that I've steam-cleaned and the floor that slants and the cold water faucet that won't turn and the neighbor that gives the impression of being completely crazy, is becoming home, and that's one of the best feelings that I've ever felt.
I think that may be a really bad sentence, but I also really like it.
I'm trying to edit myself less, to be more of who I am at any given moment and less filtered, because that's what I want to be. I want to remain as conscious of others' feelings as I am now and have always been, but at the same time place a higher level importance on my own and be bolder in word and action.
I want to make some adventure for myself, and I'm talking real, like Indiana Jonesish adventure here. I've always enjoyed the thrill of the menial and taken great pleasure in the little things, finding adventure wherever I was. Partly because of that, I've never felt the need to embark on adventures of a grander scale. But with that, I've never truly known who I was before, or who I wanted to be, or where I wanted to be, or what I wanted to do. Now that these things are clearing up (especially in this very moment---for the last hour I've been on a manic spree writing down absolutely everything as it is revealed to me through amazing epiphanies), I feel that it's time to tackle larger things and take on bigger enemies and begin to do all the things that I've fleetingly thought about for the past few years.
I am no longer tethered to anything or anyone and that is just how I want it and just how it's supposed to be. I am free to do as I please and follow my instincts and impulses wherever they may lead. This is how I was intended to feel and this is how I was intended to live. Every decision is made for my self. I finally know my self and therefore can do things to please my self and thereby have made my self pleased. My self is growing and becoming greater and more detailed and maturing and discovering with each passing hour of each passing day. I love this self. The choice has been made as to which self should be realized and the chosen self is grateful, rewarding the chooser with an overwhelming feeling of liberation and power.
I am here and it is now. My life is before me. My past is past and future is future and present is present. I am no longer outside myself looking in and seeing as the world sees, but am finally inside as my self looking out seeing as I see. This is power and purity. This is freedom. This is life.
Hello.
My little apartment, with the grungy old furniture that I've steam-cleaned and the floor that slants and the cold water faucet that won't turn and the neighbor that gives the impression of being completely crazy, is becoming home, and that's one of the best feelings that I've ever felt.
I think that may be a really bad sentence, but I also really like it.
I'm trying to edit myself less, to be more of who I am at any given moment and less filtered, because that's what I want to be. I want to remain as conscious of others' feelings as I am now and have always been, but at the same time place a higher level importance on my own and be bolder in word and action.
I want to make some adventure for myself, and I'm talking real, like Indiana Jonesish adventure here. I've always enjoyed the thrill of the menial and taken great pleasure in the little things, finding adventure wherever I was. Partly because of that, I've never felt the need to embark on adventures of a grander scale. But with that, I've never truly known who I was before, or who I wanted to be, or where I wanted to be, or what I wanted to do. Now that these things are clearing up (especially in this very moment---for the last hour I've been on a manic spree writing down absolutely everything as it is revealed to me through amazing epiphanies), I feel that it's time to tackle larger things and take on bigger enemies and begin to do all the things that I've fleetingly thought about for the past few years.
I am no longer tethered to anything or anyone and that is just how I want it and just how it's supposed to be. I am free to do as I please and follow my instincts and impulses wherever they may lead. This is how I was intended to feel and this is how I was intended to live. Every decision is made for my self. I finally know my self and therefore can do things to please my self and thereby have made my self pleased. My self is growing and becoming greater and more detailed and maturing and discovering with each passing hour of each passing day. I love this self. The choice has been made as to which self should be realized and the chosen self is grateful, rewarding the chooser with an overwhelming feeling of liberation and power.
I am here and it is now. My life is before me. My past is past and future is future and present is present. I am no longer outside myself looking in and seeing as the world sees, but am finally inside as my self looking out seeing as I see. This is power and purity. This is freedom. This is life.
Hello.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)