The language of my unconscious

I feel as though I'm coming into my own. I'm very happy with things right now, despite the fact that, as always, I've got some worries. Those worries are right now of little importance, as the moment is beckoning. The moment is beautiful and wonderful and, dammit, it's now.

My little apartment, with the grungy old furniture that I've steam-cleaned and the floor that slants and the cold water faucet that won't turn and the neighbor that gives the impression of being completely crazy, is becoming home, and that's one of the best feelings that I've ever felt.

I think that may be a really bad sentence, but I also really like it.

I'm trying to edit myself less, to be more of who I am at any given moment and less filtered, because that's what I want to be. I want to remain as conscious of others' feelings as I am now and have always been, but at the same time place a higher level importance on my own and be bolder in word and action.

I want to make some adventure for myself, and I'm talking real, like Indiana Jonesish adventure here. I've always enjoyed the thrill of the menial and taken great pleasure in the little things, finding adventure wherever I was. Partly because of that, I've never felt the need to embark on adventures of a grander scale. But with that, I've never truly known who I was before, or who I wanted to be, or where I wanted to be, or what I wanted to do. Now that these things are clearing up (especially in this very moment---for the last hour I've been on a manic spree writing down absolutely everything as it is revealed to me through amazing epiphanies), I feel that it's time to tackle larger things and take on bigger enemies and begin to do all the things that I've fleetingly thought about for the past few years.

I am no longer tethered to anything or anyone and that is just how I want it and just how it's supposed to be. I am free to do as I please and follow my instincts and impulses wherever they may lead. This is how I was intended to feel and this is how I was intended to live. Every decision is made for my self. I finally know my self and therefore can do things to please my self and thereby have made my self pleased. My self is growing and becoming greater and more detailed and maturing and discovering with each passing hour of each passing day. I love this self. The choice has been made as to which self should be realized and the chosen self is grateful, rewarding the chooser with an overwhelming feeling of liberation and power.

I am here and it is now. My life is before me. My past is past and future is future and present is present. I am no longer outside myself looking in and seeing as the world sees, but am finally inside as my self looking out seeing as I see. This is power and purity. This is freedom. This is life.

Hello.