This morning, after being up all night yet again, while sitting in class and thinking about everything---not only what we were talking about (On the Road), but everything, life, love, happiness, what the fuck I'm doing here, where I'm going, what is IT, whether or not I'm a misogynist, the risks/rewards of taking a chance with the law, why I never want to sleep again, when I'm actually ever going to sleep, etc.---I think I finally realized what Neil meant by this. I mean, I always understood at least partially, but I've never had a revelation or a moment of such clarity as I did this morning. The moment was perfect. A light went off. These are the moments I live for, the moments when something is revealed by a lightning bolt thought that strikes straight down through the thick fortress of the human skull and penetrates your very existence. I always knew what it meant, but today I got it.
I'm not ready to put it into words. I don't know if it can be done. I don't want to ruin it or cheapen it by assigning words to it. It's a thought. It's a feeling. Language was created with the very purpose of describing it and things like it, but language fails. It's an experience.
Regardless, what it means is that I'm ready to start burning hot and bright and furious, with the intensity of that moment, like sunlight through a magnifying glass.
“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!”
ReplyDeleteBus to Nash.
Yes.
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