And if it's crowded all the better...

...because we know we're gonna be up late. 

I want to go out. I want to see people. I want to laugh. I want to have fun. Here I sit on Sunday afternoon, another weekend having passed me by without even leaving the house, let alone having any sort of fun. My mom offered to take me to the Pirates' game yesterday. I declined. This is what wallowing sounds like. 

Wallowitz.

Waldorf.

Warhol?

Weird.

Anyway, there is an end in sight, a light at the end of the tunnel, a glimmer of hope on the horizon. Soon, my life will pick back up and I'll be having fun again and much happier with my situation, setting, and surroundings. I am excited for this. I do wish that there was something to bridge the gap between now and then, but I just don't think there is. Summer's coming. Maybe I've got an old bike laying around here somewhere... I'll have to check.

I just discovered two really great mixes that I made in the month of April on my computer. I'd completely forgotten about them, and apparently never made them into CDs for the car. The worst part about school being over thus far has been the fact that I miss that hour of driving time every day. My car, whatever it's been at any given time---the celeb, the van, the explorer, and now the impala---has been nothing short of a refuge and place of great solace for me. Especially now that the weather is warming up and the sun is coming out, very few things beat riding down the road with all the windows down and some great sing-a-long tunes blaring from the speakers. I miss that.

But the end is nigh, and a bus trip even closer. These are good things.

Where would I even ride a bike? The park? Why?

I could wear a helmet. Maybe a Vikings helmet like in that one commercial a few years back. Yeah! Vikings helmet. Viking helmet. Even better. And a horn. I'll need a horn. Not for the bike, not the squeezy kind. The kind you blow in. The kind that Vikings used. Yeah! A helmet and a horn. 

...God loves his children, yeah...

I did watch The Godfather for the first time this weekend. Helluva movie. And I also realized that I have a friend who looks exactly like a young Diane Keaton. Very strange. She doesn't look anything like the current Diane Keaton. Aging is so weird. 

...I don't hold you responsible all the time I'm alone...

I wonder if she got a nose job or something? I don't think so. Is she related to Michael Keaton? Is he an alcoholic?

...Here comes those big ideas again...

I watched the second season of Californication the other day. Friggin amazing. Just like the first. Well, probably not as good as the first, but still really good. Great great show.  Television on the internet is an amazing thing. TV on the Radio is a band. I think they won some shit for their last CD. I couldn't get into it that much myself. Ah well. 

So, I'm reading Richard Brautigan right now. Trout Fishing in America, to be followed by In Watermelon Sugar. I'm enjoying it, but not really getting it right now. We'll see how it goes. All I really want to do is re-read The Great Gatsby. Ever since I read this critical analysis of Don DeLillo's Underworld that compared Nick Carraway with Nick Shay and the both of them with "The American Adam," (I'm assuming Nick Adams falls into this category as well) I've been compelled to re-read Fitzgerald. As much as I'd like to read a whole bunch of new stuff this summer, I think I'm probably much more likely to re-read some things that I consider my favorites, or at least did at the time. My sister is borrowing The Sun Also Rises right now, but I'll probably re-read that as soon as she finishes. And A Farewell to Arms, and maybe check out some other Hemingway stuff. Now that I've read some more stuff, I'm anxious to see how well these books read now, a few years after I read them initially and they became my so-called favorites. We shall see. As for Gatsby, I read it in high school. I think pretty much everyone does. I wasn't crazy about it. But after reading all this stuff about the American Adam and reading all these other books that are apparently some sort of retelling of the same story, I'm really looking forward to reading it again. Some things are meant to reach those who are at a certain point in their life, and I think that Gatsby might be right for me right now. High school was probably too young. I don't really think that I got it, just as I'm not getting Brautigan right now. Perhaps I should put him on hold until a later period in my life, when I'm doing more reflecting. Right now, I'm trying to make those stories and memories that I will eventually reflect back on. If I don't do that now, there will be nothing to do later. You've got to fill your life with plenty of things to keep you entertained when you're old, because then it's too late. If you don't have enough the same thing will keep replaying in your head like that rerun of Everybody Loves Raymond that they keep playing. I don't want that. I want to look back and see new and fresh episodes. I'm sure it won't happen, but all you can do is try, right?